I woke up at 4:00 am and couldn’t get back to sleep..I’m having some apple cinnamon tea..it invokes memories that I can’t quite put my finger on. Anyway, it seems that any time I wake in the early hours, before the dawn has had a thought of breaking, time passes in waves. Sometimes so slowly that it’s like being put to bed on Christmas Eve when I was a child (the longest night of the year, lol). Other times, I will close my eyes with a memory, re-living long ago..only to open my eyes and see that the clock has jumped almost an hour!
I think it’s these times, the part where the darkness seems never ending; where the silence is broken by the furnace clicking on, or the cats’ bell tinkling…that universal questions drift in and out of my mind. You know, the kind that you know you won’t get answers for, but that are there all the same….
“Who made God”?
“Why is there poverty”?
“What does my future hold”?
“Does the colour purple really taste like grape?”
At the same time I will run the mistakes I have made throughout my life into tiny clips of ‘Why on earth did I do that?’! Re-living what I could have done instead…an unproductive process of course…but nevertheless, my brain has those memories tucked away neatly in the ‘Chamber of Horrors’ ready to challenge any thought of any comfortable, happy memories…
Anyway, I hope you have a good day. I love you.